Friday, January 30, 2009

Changeling...


Angelina Jolie's performance as Christine Collins in Clint Eastwoods' "Changeling" is a clear departure from her usual glossy characters (i.e. Tomb Raider, Wanted). It is an indication that she has evolved into a deeper person, probably because of her fully developed "motherly instinct".

This period thriller tells of the heartbreaking story of a woman who lost her son. When the LAPD supposedly returns her son to her, she realizes that the boy was an impostor. An underlying story here shows the truth behind all the dirt navigating through the doors and offices of the LAPD at that time.

To prove that the son returned to her was not hers, Christine Collins did everything that a mother could. At one point, she was even sent by the police to the state's psychopathic ward after they deemed her mentally unfit.

I was quiet all throughout the movie. Inside, though, it was an altogether different story. My heart was slowly being torn to pieces with every scene; with every word that came out of Christine's mouth. No, I don't have children yet but I love them. My nephews and nieces are real treasures to me. I couldn't imagine how a person (like Capt. J.J. Jones) could be so cold-hearted and cruel. Didn't they know how a mother and her child can be emotionally connected even when they were worlds apart?

I admit that I cried while watching the movie. I believe that anybody who has a heart will also do the same.

There are no spectacular fireworks in the movie, no hysterical confrontations and the like. But it was truly, deeply heartwrenching. I don't need any critic telling me about the movie's flaws because all I can remember is the story - and the brave, dedicated mother and woman that is Christine Collins.

Whether you're a mother or not, Changeling will change the way you will look at children. Changeling will teach you what self-sacrifice and unconditional love is all about.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas...


“Good memories are like charms, Nicky. Each is special.”

“There are words from a poem about the local fishing boats and their crews that have been carved into the bar of the Dock’s Tavern in the Vineyard. “The longed-for ships/ come empty home or founder on the deep/ and eyes first loss their tears and then their sleep.”

These are just some of my favorite lines from James Patterson's touching novel "Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas". It's a book that's entirely different from all the other Pattersons I have in my collection. And although I knew that it was a love story of sorts (a little similar to his "Sam's Letters to Jennifer"), I was completely blown away by the story...especially towards the end!

Reading this book has given me a new perspective in life; one that's inspired by the five balls which Suzanne kept repeating to Nicholas in the diary. I find the theory of the glass balls and the lone rubber ball to be truly useful...especially since I'm at an exciting point in my life (my 40th year!).

I invite you to take some time to read this beautiful story and allow it to touch your heart; your inner being. I'm sure you'll understand what I'm talking about once you start flipping the pages.

Have a happy life, everyone!

Monday, January 19, 2009

The Need for Emotional Comfort

Here's an essay which I wrote way back the late 1990s...in Manila...

“If I ignore the emotional plea and respond only to the words, I will not be communicating with you, there will not be a flow of understanding between us. I will not be feeling you and so, I will be frustrated and you will be also. The heart of any conversation is the demand being made on my emotion. If I feel frustrated, that is a good sign I am avoiding the emotions you are trying to communicate – I have not paused long enough to ask, ‘What do you really want from me?’ “

- Notes to Myself: My Struggle to
Become A Person by Hugh Prather

When you talk to me, what do you really want from me? When you talk to me, do you talk only because you want me to listen to what you say? Or do you want me to feel what you mean? I don’t want to just listen to what you say. Rather, I want to also feel what you feel.

When I talk to a friend (or to anybody else, for that matter), I always try to go deep inside that person. Like, I ask myself, does he really need to talk to me? Or is he just blabbering? I believe that whatever emotional phase you are in (jolly, happy, sad, mad or in-between), talking to or being with someone always helps.

Comforting is an important aspect of friendship and love. Time and again, you will find a need to sit down and talk, or just be together. Your mere presence can always help. Even silence can help. But then, emotional comfort does not only mean talking to the person. Rather, it means letting yourself go a step beyond and understanding him; accepting that he is not at his best. It means you’re going through him and letting yourself into his shoes. Most of all, I think, it means not holding him to his words. Deep emotions, according to Prather, are often expressed in irrational words. If he tells you nonsense, let him. Emotions are free. They cannot be hidden, cannot be kept and can never be stopped. They flow. They jell. Sometimes, they make turbulent changes. It is during these times when we feel emotional stress, sometimes getting mad for no reason at all.

Like you, I need this kind of comfort, too. I don’t schedule it. It comes as an unwelcome surprise more often than not. We do not really know when these moments come. But when they do come, I call on to someone and try to tell him how I feel. Even if I do not make sense at all, he almost always accepts everything I say. And it has done me good. It has helped me grow and understand myself even more.

You is that you don’t have to hide how you feel. Someone will always be willing to listen to you. He will always be with you. Just his mere presence will help comfort you. Just as you will be there for him, he will be there for you. He may be a brother, a friend, or someone you love. It doesn’t really matter. Just call on him and let him know how you feel…and ask him to try hard to understand your emotions. Ask him to listen closely to what you’re saying and to how you are feeling.

When your turn to comfort comes, just be by his side. Remember to always tell him to feel free to say anything. Even what he doesn’t mean…

That’s when the need for emotional comfort is fulfilled.

GOOD FRIEND...A Short Story

This is one of my favorite short stories. Can't remember anymore when I wrote this. I think this was for Mr. & Ms. Magazine...

“Deep down, I was glad

it was cold, for while

I was keeping you warm,

I was secretly loving you.”

-COLD by Joe Pintauro

Marvie sat beside me in the bus, and I could feel sweat breaking out through my body. I could feel her heart beating so close to mine. Gradually, my pulse quickens. I move in my seat, extremely uncomfortable. I have never been this close to anybody before – man or woman. Slowly, Marvie leaned on my shoulder. She was too close to me now that I can hear her breathing.

I met Marvie, or rather, she saw me, in one of the benches around the park near our house. I had been walking and stretching my muscles, and I was with my dog. The moment she said “hi!”, I knew that something in me was forever changed.

That first meeting at the park was followed by another...and another...and another. And soon enough, we became close friends. We went out a lot – we went to bars and concerts, and even exercised together. Slowly, I felt myself falling for her. My heart would beat fast everytime she was near me. Whenever she held my hand, I’d be lost, as if I was flying over nowhere. But this is where it all stops...

You see, when I met Marvie, she was very much in love with this guy called Wayne. They have been together for two years. I met Wayne a couple of months ago, and he seemed nice. Marvie was happy with him. You’ll know it when you hear the sound of her laughter, and the excitement in her voice everytime she talked about him. They had plans – travel plans, wedding plans.

Last night, Marvie came to me and cried a bucket of tears. We stayed in my apartment the whole night. I listened to her cry, sigh and complain. It turned out that this nice guy, Wayne, had been living in with some other girl, and it had been going on for months! It was plain and simple cheating. Marvie saw them in his apartment. They explained and announced that they were “in love”. Marvie simply walked out. No violent reactions. No radio-drama hysterics. No wailing. She let him go.

Now, I am at the crossroad. I know not which path to take – there are many before me. I can talk her out of her depression and we could both go away for sometime. Or, I can leave things be and let time heal her wounds. Then again, I can always tell her to look for another guy – someone really worthy of her love. Will I have the guts to tell her that, knowing that I love her myself? I don’t know...

Everytime she takes my hand and leans on my shoulder, I feel my whole world crush. How can somebody so close to you seem so far away? I cannot reach her. No matter how close we can get. I will never be able to reach her. If I were an ordinary young man, maybe things will be a little different. But, you see, I’m not. There’s nothing ordinary, or extraordinary, about me. I can feel. I can touch. I love the smell of her hair. But I have never seen her beautiful face – not even once. My world is in total darkness. I wake up each morning not really knowing the difference between night and day. I don’t know what the flowers I gave her this morning, look like. I don’t ask about her favorite color. Why should I, when my world is pitch black darkness? She’s the only rainbow in my life. She brightens me up. She completes my day. She makes my heart see.

So now, what? Am I to continue holding her in my arms while secretly loving her? People say I look good. Maybe she likes the way I look. Maybe she’ll wake up one day and realize that I’m special to her. More special than Wayne, more special than anybody else she has ever known. I wish Marvie would stay with me forever...so I could hold her, embrace her all my life.

They say “love is blind”. In my case, it really is. I just hope Marvie keeps her eyes (and heart) open. I’m pretty sure that one day, she’ll discover a brighter world.

- xxx -

Sunday, January 18, 2009

A Scary Incident...

Last night, I had a scary experience. It wasn't scary because I saw ghosts or anything. It was scary because I thought I was going to lose someone really special to me.

My sister-in-law and I were comfortably watching "Medium" on DVD when my cellphone rang. It was my aunt. Though I wondered why she was calling me on a Sunday evening, I didn't expect what she said next.

One of my students, someone really close to me; someone I call my "anak" (daughter), was in trouble and tried to take her own life. My aunt and I rushed to her house so we could talk to her.

When we got there, we heaved a sigh of relief when we saw that she was all right. She said she tried to overdose herself but when we called a doctor-friend, we were told that what she took had no dangerous effects on her and on her health. We were relieved. She smiled.

Her problem is actually very simple: she wants to change her college course and take up something that she wants, not the one that her parents want for her. This has always been her problem. All these years, she has been keeping her negative feelings inside, afraid to let her parents know...afraid to disappoint them.

This is a common problem among many of today's students. Most of them normally get into a course or a field of study that their parents chose for them. Here in the Philippines, a lot of parents encourage their children to take up nursing or a course in caregiving because they dream of someday seeing them fly off to other countries where nurses and caregivers are in demand, and the pay is high. Many of these students used to have other plans for their lives, but like the normal self-sacrificing Filipino, they would set these aside just to help realize their parents' dreams.

While being obedient to your parents is not a bad thing, you must also remember that you have a life of your own. Therefore, you are responsible for it and should be the one to decide which direction you should go. Once you get into something that you are not happy about, everything else in your life will eventually crumble. In order to be fully satisfied, complete, and happy, you have to be doing something that you truly want and love.

Last night, we made my "anak" understand this. We made her think of her future; of what her life may become if she goes on and keeps up with her charades. She's afraid to disappoint her parents; afraid to make them angry. But we pointed out that she had more to be afraid of if she goes on pretending that everything is all right.

Before we said our good nights and good byes, we made her promise that she would try her best to be brave this time, and let her parents know what she feels and what she truly wants to happen to her and her life. We know she needs to gather enough strength, enough courage...but we're confident she'll pull through. We're confident that she will be able to make her dreams come true someday soon.

I wasn't scared anymore as we went on our way home. I know she'll be all right. I have complete trust in the One above, that He will grant her the strength and wisdom to stand up for herself. I'm not scared anymore because I am confident my "anak" knows she's not alone in this world...that we will always be ready for her when she needs us. That we will always be ready to accept and support her no matter what her dreams and aspirations are.

As long as you stand up and fight for your dream; as long as you work hard for it and keep your goals in sight; every little dream of yours will someday come true. Don't let others take them away from you.


Saturday, January 17, 2009

Hello....

Hello, everyone! Welcome to raw scribbles...

This is where I'll share my thoughts and feelings on various matters and issues. Sometimes, I might put down a poem or two, and might even get some ideas from my friends and family. But overall, this will be like a reflection of the person that I am. Hopefully, by sharing my thoughts and feelings with you, I'll be able to make a significant impact on your lives in one way or another.

My writing is basically about simple stuff; things that anybody can relate with. Most of the time, I write about beautiful feelings and people. I'm the type of person who likes to dwell on the more positive side of things rather than complain about negative matters that threaten to ruin my day.

From time-to-time, I might also put in a short story or two. Short stories are like mirrors of life; and when I write one, they're usually inspired by people I know and admire.

So if you want something that will help make you feel good the whole day, spare a few minutes reading my thoughts and stories.




Friday, January 30, 2009

Changeling...


Angelina Jolie's performance as Christine Collins in Clint Eastwoods' "Changeling" is a clear departure from her usual glossy characters (i.e. Tomb Raider, Wanted). It is an indication that she has evolved into a deeper person, probably because of her fully developed "motherly instinct".

This period thriller tells of the heartbreaking story of a woman who lost her son. When the LAPD supposedly returns her son to her, she realizes that the boy was an impostor. An underlying story here shows the truth behind all the dirt navigating through the doors and offices of the LAPD at that time.

To prove that the son returned to her was not hers, Christine Collins did everything that a mother could. At one point, she was even sent by the police to the state's psychopathic ward after they deemed her mentally unfit.

I was quiet all throughout the movie. Inside, though, it was an altogether different story. My heart was slowly being torn to pieces with every scene; with every word that came out of Christine's mouth. No, I don't have children yet but I love them. My nephews and nieces are real treasures to me. I couldn't imagine how a person (like Capt. J.J. Jones) could be so cold-hearted and cruel. Didn't they know how a mother and her child can be emotionally connected even when they were worlds apart?

I admit that I cried while watching the movie. I believe that anybody who has a heart will also do the same.

There are no spectacular fireworks in the movie, no hysterical confrontations and the like. But it was truly, deeply heartwrenching. I don't need any critic telling me about the movie's flaws because all I can remember is the story - and the brave, dedicated mother and woman that is Christine Collins.

Whether you're a mother or not, Changeling will change the way you will look at children. Changeling will teach you what self-sacrifice and unconditional love is all about.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas...


“Good memories are like charms, Nicky. Each is special.”

“There are words from a poem about the local fishing boats and their crews that have been carved into the bar of the Dock’s Tavern in the Vineyard. “The longed-for ships/ come empty home or founder on the deep/ and eyes first loss their tears and then their sleep.”

These are just some of my favorite lines from James Patterson's touching novel "Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas". It's a book that's entirely different from all the other Pattersons I have in my collection. And although I knew that it was a love story of sorts (a little similar to his "Sam's Letters to Jennifer"), I was completely blown away by the story...especially towards the end!

Reading this book has given me a new perspective in life; one that's inspired by the five balls which Suzanne kept repeating to Nicholas in the diary. I find the theory of the glass balls and the lone rubber ball to be truly useful...especially since I'm at an exciting point in my life (my 40th year!).

I invite you to take some time to read this beautiful story and allow it to touch your heart; your inner being. I'm sure you'll understand what I'm talking about once you start flipping the pages.

Have a happy life, everyone!

Monday, January 19, 2009

The Need for Emotional Comfort

Here's an essay which I wrote way back the late 1990s...in Manila...

“If I ignore the emotional plea and respond only to the words, I will not be communicating with you, there will not be a flow of understanding between us. I will not be feeling you and so, I will be frustrated and you will be also. The heart of any conversation is the demand being made on my emotion. If I feel frustrated, that is a good sign I am avoiding the emotions you are trying to communicate – I have not paused long enough to ask, ‘What do you really want from me?’ “

- Notes to Myself: My Struggle to
Become A Person by Hugh Prather

When you talk to me, what do you really want from me? When you talk to me, do you talk only because you want me to listen to what you say? Or do you want me to feel what you mean? I don’t want to just listen to what you say. Rather, I want to also feel what you feel.

When I talk to a friend (or to anybody else, for that matter), I always try to go deep inside that person. Like, I ask myself, does he really need to talk to me? Or is he just blabbering? I believe that whatever emotional phase you are in (jolly, happy, sad, mad or in-between), talking to or being with someone always helps.

Comforting is an important aspect of friendship and love. Time and again, you will find a need to sit down and talk, or just be together. Your mere presence can always help. Even silence can help. But then, emotional comfort does not only mean talking to the person. Rather, it means letting yourself go a step beyond and understanding him; accepting that he is not at his best. It means you’re going through him and letting yourself into his shoes. Most of all, I think, it means not holding him to his words. Deep emotions, according to Prather, are often expressed in irrational words. If he tells you nonsense, let him. Emotions are free. They cannot be hidden, cannot be kept and can never be stopped. They flow. They jell. Sometimes, they make turbulent changes. It is during these times when we feel emotional stress, sometimes getting mad for no reason at all.

Like you, I need this kind of comfort, too. I don’t schedule it. It comes as an unwelcome surprise more often than not. We do not really know when these moments come. But when they do come, I call on to someone and try to tell him how I feel. Even if I do not make sense at all, he almost always accepts everything I say. And it has done me good. It has helped me grow and understand myself even more.

You is that you don’t have to hide how you feel. Someone will always be willing to listen to you. He will always be with you. Just his mere presence will help comfort you. Just as you will be there for him, he will be there for you. He may be a brother, a friend, or someone you love. It doesn’t really matter. Just call on him and let him know how you feel…and ask him to try hard to understand your emotions. Ask him to listen closely to what you’re saying and to how you are feeling.

When your turn to comfort comes, just be by his side. Remember to always tell him to feel free to say anything. Even what he doesn’t mean…

That’s when the need for emotional comfort is fulfilled.

GOOD FRIEND...A Short Story

This is one of my favorite short stories. Can't remember anymore when I wrote this. I think this was for Mr. & Ms. Magazine...

“Deep down, I was glad

it was cold, for while

I was keeping you warm,

I was secretly loving you.”

-COLD by Joe Pintauro

Marvie sat beside me in the bus, and I could feel sweat breaking out through my body. I could feel her heart beating so close to mine. Gradually, my pulse quickens. I move in my seat, extremely uncomfortable. I have never been this close to anybody before – man or woman. Slowly, Marvie leaned on my shoulder. She was too close to me now that I can hear her breathing.

I met Marvie, or rather, she saw me, in one of the benches around the park near our house. I had been walking and stretching my muscles, and I was with my dog. The moment she said “hi!”, I knew that something in me was forever changed.

That first meeting at the park was followed by another...and another...and another. And soon enough, we became close friends. We went out a lot – we went to bars and concerts, and even exercised together. Slowly, I felt myself falling for her. My heart would beat fast everytime she was near me. Whenever she held my hand, I’d be lost, as if I was flying over nowhere. But this is where it all stops...

You see, when I met Marvie, she was very much in love with this guy called Wayne. They have been together for two years. I met Wayne a couple of months ago, and he seemed nice. Marvie was happy with him. You’ll know it when you hear the sound of her laughter, and the excitement in her voice everytime she talked about him. They had plans – travel plans, wedding plans.

Last night, Marvie came to me and cried a bucket of tears. We stayed in my apartment the whole night. I listened to her cry, sigh and complain. It turned out that this nice guy, Wayne, had been living in with some other girl, and it had been going on for months! It was plain and simple cheating. Marvie saw them in his apartment. They explained and announced that they were “in love”. Marvie simply walked out. No violent reactions. No radio-drama hysterics. No wailing. She let him go.

Now, I am at the crossroad. I know not which path to take – there are many before me. I can talk her out of her depression and we could both go away for sometime. Or, I can leave things be and let time heal her wounds. Then again, I can always tell her to look for another guy – someone really worthy of her love. Will I have the guts to tell her that, knowing that I love her myself? I don’t know...

Everytime she takes my hand and leans on my shoulder, I feel my whole world crush. How can somebody so close to you seem so far away? I cannot reach her. No matter how close we can get. I will never be able to reach her. If I were an ordinary young man, maybe things will be a little different. But, you see, I’m not. There’s nothing ordinary, or extraordinary, about me. I can feel. I can touch. I love the smell of her hair. But I have never seen her beautiful face – not even once. My world is in total darkness. I wake up each morning not really knowing the difference between night and day. I don’t know what the flowers I gave her this morning, look like. I don’t ask about her favorite color. Why should I, when my world is pitch black darkness? She’s the only rainbow in my life. She brightens me up. She completes my day. She makes my heart see.

So now, what? Am I to continue holding her in my arms while secretly loving her? People say I look good. Maybe she likes the way I look. Maybe she’ll wake up one day and realize that I’m special to her. More special than Wayne, more special than anybody else she has ever known. I wish Marvie would stay with me forever...so I could hold her, embrace her all my life.

They say “love is blind”. In my case, it really is. I just hope Marvie keeps her eyes (and heart) open. I’m pretty sure that one day, she’ll discover a brighter world.

- xxx -

Sunday, January 18, 2009

A Scary Incident...

Last night, I had a scary experience. It wasn't scary because I saw ghosts or anything. It was scary because I thought I was going to lose someone really special to me.

My sister-in-law and I were comfortably watching "Medium" on DVD when my cellphone rang. It was my aunt. Though I wondered why she was calling me on a Sunday evening, I didn't expect what she said next.

One of my students, someone really close to me; someone I call my "anak" (daughter), was in trouble and tried to take her own life. My aunt and I rushed to her house so we could talk to her.

When we got there, we heaved a sigh of relief when we saw that she was all right. She said she tried to overdose herself but when we called a doctor-friend, we were told that what she took had no dangerous effects on her and on her health. We were relieved. She smiled.

Her problem is actually very simple: she wants to change her college course and take up something that she wants, not the one that her parents want for her. This has always been her problem. All these years, she has been keeping her negative feelings inside, afraid to let her parents know...afraid to disappoint them.

This is a common problem among many of today's students. Most of them normally get into a course or a field of study that their parents chose for them. Here in the Philippines, a lot of parents encourage their children to take up nursing or a course in caregiving because they dream of someday seeing them fly off to other countries where nurses and caregivers are in demand, and the pay is high. Many of these students used to have other plans for their lives, but like the normal self-sacrificing Filipino, they would set these aside just to help realize their parents' dreams.

While being obedient to your parents is not a bad thing, you must also remember that you have a life of your own. Therefore, you are responsible for it and should be the one to decide which direction you should go. Once you get into something that you are not happy about, everything else in your life will eventually crumble. In order to be fully satisfied, complete, and happy, you have to be doing something that you truly want and love.

Last night, we made my "anak" understand this. We made her think of her future; of what her life may become if she goes on and keeps up with her charades. She's afraid to disappoint her parents; afraid to make them angry. But we pointed out that she had more to be afraid of if she goes on pretending that everything is all right.

Before we said our good nights and good byes, we made her promise that she would try her best to be brave this time, and let her parents know what she feels and what she truly wants to happen to her and her life. We know she needs to gather enough strength, enough courage...but we're confident she'll pull through. We're confident that she will be able to make her dreams come true someday soon.

I wasn't scared anymore as we went on our way home. I know she'll be all right. I have complete trust in the One above, that He will grant her the strength and wisdom to stand up for herself. I'm not scared anymore because I am confident my "anak" knows she's not alone in this world...that we will always be ready for her when she needs us. That we will always be ready to accept and support her no matter what her dreams and aspirations are.

As long as you stand up and fight for your dream; as long as you work hard for it and keep your goals in sight; every little dream of yours will someday come true. Don't let others take them away from you.


Saturday, January 17, 2009

Hello....

Hello, everyone! Welcome to raw scribbles...

This is where I'll share my thoughts and feelings on various matters and issues. Sometimes, I might put down a poem or two, and might even get some ideas from my friends and family. But overall, this will be like a reflection of the person that I am. Hopefully, by sharing my thoughts and feelings with you, I'll be able to make a significant impact on your lives in one way or another.

My writing is basically about simple stuff; things that anybody can relate with. Most of the time, I write about beautiful feelings and people. I'm the type of person who likes to dwell on the more positive side of things rather than complain about negative matters that threaten to ruin my day.

From time-to-time, I might also put in a short story or two. Short stories are like mirrors of life; and when I write one, they're usually inspired by people I know and admire.

So if you want something that will help make you feel good the whole day, spare a few minutes reading my thoughts and stories.