Here's an essay which I wrote way back the late 1990s...in Manila...
“If I ignore the emotional plea and respond only to the words, I will not be communicating with you, there will not be a flow of understanding between us. I will not be feeling you and so, I will be frustrated and you will be also. The heart of any conversation is the demand being made on my emotion. If I feel frustrated, that is a good sign I am avoiding the emotions you are trying to communicate – I have not paused long enough to ask, ‘What do you really want from me?’ “
- Notes to Myself: My Struggle to
Become A Person by Hugh Prather
When you talk to me, what do you really want from me? When you talk to me, do you talk only because you want me to listen to what you say? Or do you want me to feel what you mean? I don’t want to just listen to what you say. Rather, I want to also feel what you feel.
When I talk to a friend (or to anybody else, for that matter), I always try to go deep inside that person. Like, I ask myself, does he really need to talk to me? Or is he just blabbering? I believe that whatever emotional phase you are in (jolly, happy, sad, mad or in-between), talking to or being with someone always helps.
Comforting is an important aspect of friendship and love. Time and again, you will find a need to sit down and talk, or just be together. Your mere presence can always help. Even silence can help. But then, emotional comfort does not only mean talking to the person. Rather, it means letting yourself go a step beyond and understanding him; accepting that he is not at his best. It means you’re going through him and letting yourself into his shoes. Most of all, I think, it means not holding him to his words. Deep emotions, according to Prather, are often expressed in irrational words. If he tells you nonsense, let him. Emotions are free. They cannot be hidden, cannot be kept and can never be stopped. They flow. They jell. Sometimes, they make turbulent changes. It is during these times when we feel emotional stress, sometimes getting mad for no reason at all.
Like you, I need this kind of comfort, too. I don’t schedule it. It comes as an unwelcome surprise more often than not. We do not really know when these moments come. But when they do come, I call on to someone and try to tell him how I feel. Even if I do not make sense at all, he almost always accepts everything I say. And it has done me good. It has helped me grow and understand myself even more.
You is that you don’t have to hide how you feel. Someone will always be willing to listen to you. He will always be with you. Just his mere presence will help comfort you. Just as you will be there for him, he will be there for you. He may be a brother, a friend, or someone you love. It doesn’t really matter. Just call on him and let him know how you feel…and ask him to try hard to understand your emotions. Ask him to listen closely to what you’re saying and to how you are feeling.
When your turn to comfort comes, just be by his side. Remember to always tell him to feel free to say anything. Even what he doesn’t mean…
That’s when the need for emotional comfort is fulfilled.
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Monday, January 19, 2009
The Need for Emotional Comfort
Here's an essay which I wrote way back the late 1990s...in Manila...
“If I ignore the emotional plea and respond only to the words, I will not be communicating with you, there will not be a flow of understanding between us. I will not be feeling you and so, I will be frustrated and you will be also. The heart of any conversation is the demand being made on my emotion. If I feel frustrated, that is a good sign I am avoiding the emotions you are trying to communicate – I have not paused long enough to ask, ‘What do you really want from me?’ “
- Notes to Myself: My Struggle to
Become A Person by Hugh Prather
When you talk to me, what do you really want from me? When you talk to me, do you talk only because you want me to listen to what you say? Or do you want me to feel what you mean? I don’t want to just listen to what you say. Rather, I want to also feel what you feel.
When I talk to a friend (or to anybody else, for that matter), I always try to go deep inside that person. Like, I ask myself, does he really need to talk to me? Or is he just blabbering? I believe that whatever emotional phase you are in (jolly, happy, sad, mad or in-between), talking to or being with someone always helps.
Comforting is an important aspect of friendship and love. Time and again, you will find a need to sit down and talk, or just be together. Your mere presence can always help. Even silence can help. But then, emotional comfort does not only mean talking to the person. Rather, it means letting yourself go a step beyond and understanding him; accepting that he is not at his best. It means you’re going through him and letting yourself into his shoes. Most of all, I think, it means not holding him to his words. Deep emotions, according to Prather, are often expressed in irrational words. If he tells you nonsense, let him. Emotions are free. They cannot be hidden, cannot be kept and can never be stopped. They flow. They jell. Sometimes, they make turbulent changes. It is during these times when we feel emotional stress, sometimes getting mad for no reason at all.
Like you, I need this kind of comfort, too. I don’t schedule it. It comes as an unwelcome surprise more often than not. We do not really know when these moments come. But when they do come, I call on to someone and try to tell him how I feel. Even if I do not make sense at all, he almost always accepts everything I say. And it has done me good. It has helped me grow and understand myself even more.
You is that you don’t have to hide how you feel. Someone will always be willing to listen to you. He will always be with you. Just his mere presence will help comfort you. Just as you will be there for him, he will be there for you. He may be a brother, a friend, or someone you love. It doesn’t really matter. Just call on him and let him know how you feel…and ask him to try hard to understand your emotions. Ask him to listen closely to what you’re saying and to how you are feeling.
When your turn to comfort comes, just be by his side. Remember to always tell him to feel free to say anything. Even what he doesn’t mean…
That’s when the need for emotional comfort is fulfilled.
“If I ignore the emotional plea and respond only to the words, I will not be communicating with you, there will not be a flow of understanding between us. I will not be feeling you and so, I will be frustrated and you will be also. The heart of any conversation is the demand being made on my emotion. If I feel frustrated, that is a good sign I am avoiding the emotions you are trying to communicate – I have not paused long enough to ask, ‘What do you really want from me?’ “
- Notes to Myself: My Struggle to
Become A Person by Hugh Prather
When you talk to me, what do you really want from me? When you talk to me, do you talk only because you want me to listen to what you say? Or do you want me to feel what you mean? I don’t want to just listen to what you say. Rather, I want to also feel what you feel.
When I talk to a friend (or to anybody else, for that matter), I always try to go deep inside that person. Like, I ask myself, does he really need to talk to me? Or is he just blabbering? I believe that whatever emotional phase you are in (jolly, happy, sad, mad or in-between), talking to or being with someone always helps.
Comforting is an important aspect of friendship and love. Time and again, you will find a need to sit down and talk, or just be together. Your mere presence can always help. Even silence can help. But then, emotional comfort does not only mean talking to the person. Rather, it means letting yourself go a step beyond and understanding him; accepting that he is not at his best. It means you’re going through him and letting yourself into his shoes. Most of all, I think, it means not holding him to his words. Deep emotions, according to Prather, are often expressed in irrational words. If he tells you nonsense, let him. Emotions are free. They cannot be hidden, cannot be kept and can never be stopped. They flow. They jell. Sometimes, they make turbulent changes. It is during these times when we feel emotional stress, sometimes getting mad for no reason at all.
Like you, I need this kind of comfort, too. I don’t schedule it. It comes as an unwelcome surprise more often than not. We do not really know when these moments come. But when they do come, I call on to someone and try to tell him how I feel. Even if I do not make sense at all, he almost always accepts everything I say. And it has done me good. It has helped me grow and understand myself even more.
You is that you don’t have to hide how you feel. Someone will always be willing to listen to you. He will always be with you. Just his mere presence will help comfort you. Just as you will be there for him, he will be there for you. He may be a brother, a friend, or someone you love. It doesn’t really matter. Just call on him and let him know how you feel…and ask him to try hard to understand your emotions. Ask him to listen closely to what you’re saying and to how you are feeling.
When your turn to comfort comes, just be by his side. Remember to always tell him to feel free to say anything. Even what he doesn’t mean…
That’s when the need for emotional comfort is fulfilled.
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